I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
