we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
