I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Randomize