I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
