Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
