Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
