and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
