bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
