Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
