Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
