hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
