"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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