im so drunk with asians
where?
always
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
