i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
