he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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