Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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