a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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