Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
