Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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