Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
