So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
