just come out here and I will go home with you...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
