Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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