Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
