Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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