In the future we'll all be gay
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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