i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize