brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
barbara walters just said penis...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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