if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
