wakey wakey hands off snakey
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
