one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
