He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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