Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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