I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
