dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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