Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
