Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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