i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
