Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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