That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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