the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
