Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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