"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
