She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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