Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
