did you get engaged???
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
