Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
