I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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