I accidentally burped into my bong.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
