How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize