he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
