Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
