paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
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