apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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