you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
