ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
