so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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