I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
