I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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