Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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