i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
