There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize