im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
