Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
