i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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