I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
