I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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