Im at strip club and am horny
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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