I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
