I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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