Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
