This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
