I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
