i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
