so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
