just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
