Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
