Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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