i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
