i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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